Sometimes in life no matter how absolute somethings are one still needs closure. A wife holds the hand of her dead husband on an early Sunday morning after she realizes that he is no longer with her. She knows his spirit is far away but seeing the lifeless body hleps her realize that a new chapter is about to begin. That this is for real, no more pain no more suffering peace has settled.
We need closure to deal with the loss of a life. We also need closure in dealing with the loss of a relationship. Though no one has died, the feelings of lust and love are no longer but still without closure, one attempts many times to change or deny reality.
Recently I was involved in a relationship, I had a lot of feelings for that person. Being young and ignorant I don't quite know what love is, however having never expereinced the same joy for being around someone , the same inner peace of having him in my arms, I figure right now that is love, that is my definition of  "what is love". Breaking up wasn't enough closure, i wanted him to know my feelings for him, I wanted him to know how I loved holding him in my arms late at night. I wanted him to know it is okay to be who he is. 
Closure finally came tonight as we lay in each others arms.  When we get closure a sence of inner peace-if you will- settles in.
The night is dark, the moon full and bright, the brease calm and cooling. The streets are quiet and damp from rain. Its almost as if the outside world tells my story without me having to say a word. But somewhere all is not right. In somoenes mind a feeling of pain, of heartache, of knowing they have hurt someone is looming. Closure too will come to that person. I say my feelings not to casue pain, not for spite but becasue I want to be free again. I want to think of you and not feel sad but feel that we are frineds....and that is all we are.  One day he may read this and I hope when he does he does not feel sadness, rather he feels closure. He feels the inner peace that I am now feeling after such a long time.
He knows now we are friends. What happend in the past is no longer important what happened in the past was what one would call a "cluster f&%k" some times we do something to amke up for something else and it just doesn't work.

Rest well my frineds. And may peace be with you

Current Mood: peaceful

So as I go about my daily business I can't help but notice things. First of all a while back whilst at work...Im a flight Paramedic...Im in Toronto its about 3am and Imstanding there with the 2 pilots and the RN, we are all munching away on junk food and I bring up this point..."U know Im gonna be 25 in about a month or so, and here I am eating junk food at 3am in Toronto. Now when i was a kid I would have killed to be in this spot but now its not what its cracked up to be..." I was right it wasn't...and we all agreed. Then it hit me. 25, here I am 25 years old Im a full time Flight Paramedic, Im out of the closet living on my own flying all around. But its as if none of that stuff had dawned on me untill that very point.
Im not quite 25 I still have a month to go untill judgement day but still its coming. So anyway getting back to "things Ive noticed". 
Im at the mall the other day, and I gotta say one of my greatest pet peeves is one of those ignorant punks who works at a store and comes up to me and calls me "dude" WTF I resuscitate people ...Im not a DUDE anymore. Another awsome thing is when I go to feed my horrible PS2 addiction and the guy at the games store asks if Im at least 17. Now with all due respect I certainly don't look 25 BUT I can assure U I sure as HELL don't look less than 17.

So as I travel along the road of life, I can't help but take time to pull off to the side and reflect upon previous experiences along the road. I guess we all go thru times like this, some of us rarely look abck while other...particualrily me look back and blog about it.

Well thast my blog for the day, just a few of the Things Ive Noticed!

Take Care out there :)- PS I know some jack off copywrited that and I really don't give a hoot, who the hell copyrights keystrokes anyway   WTF !?!?!?!?

Current Mood: curious

Hi all so this is my first blog, probably ever on the internet. ANyway just giving everyone a heads up about what will be on...just about anything and everything, from my latest rants to all kinds of stuff. A good time shall be had by all. If I have a crappy day, it will be here, if I have a decent day, who knows maybe if I just feel like saying stuff, that too will appear.